HOPE

Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness. -Desmond Tutu

My name is Megan Edens… I have been in recovery since Sept. 2018. My story starts out with a perfect life, perfect neighborhood, perfect friends, perfect parents, perfect brother, until it wasn’t so perfect anymore. I went from being a model in my teenage years to a teenage mother and wife at the age of 18. Those years were far from perfect… the perfect times were looking at my babies for the first time and being a mom. In 2002 a pain dr. prescribed some pain pills for my back and hip pain. That was it for me. Being brought up in a home where I never saw my parents argue or drink or really anything but work and be parents, I never thought about being adopted and the possibility of addiction being in my genes. After starting with low doses of opioids, it went into everyday use, drinking, marijuana, Adderall, cocaine, meth, oxy and molly. One DOC was never enough for me. After 2 marriages ending due to physical and mental abuse, my Nana and my Granny passing back-to-back, working 2 to 3 jobs to pay for my habits and what bills I decided to pay, and trying to raise 4 kids I couldn’t wait to become numb, which was all day every day for a while… I was done feeling the pain and not wanting to face my past head on until one evening after a dear friend’s funeral service who passed from a drug overdose, I was sitting at the bar with a few drinks and pills in… I realized I was done! I couldn’t do this to my children or myself anymore. My kids were homeless at times because of me, my bills were not paid because of me, I had to get up and fix what I broke which was starting with myself, learning to love me again, proving to my children I can stay clean, and they can love and trust me again. I stopped going to the bars and parties and then one Saturday I decided to go to church, I gave my life to Christ that night, got baptized in November 2018, I found out I was going to be a Nana for the first time, I served the homeless in our community, I went to church every Sat night and Celebrate recovery every Thursday, I was able to work 1 job and pay all my bills, I got out of the hotel/car situation and got into a condo on my own. January 2020, I lost my best friend, my mother Valerie Millenbach, can’t believe I made it through but with a lot of support, love, and hope from my family here I am today as the SOR III Coordinator at the Unicoi County Prevention Coalition, I run our Peer Recovery Support Groups on Tuesdays and Fridays and there is so much more to come. God didn’t keep me alive to keep it to myself. My failed tests are now a part of my testimony… Never forget, there is hope in recovery.

I was born in Eastern Europe amidst a civil war outbreak, didn’t speak English not one of us. I moved to America with my family and a longing for something always, I needed friendships and a childhood memories. But with such a culture shock I took an easy path to everything and it led to promises that were never met, so I took to addiction to fill the void I felt inside. Almost two decades later and loss after loss I hit rock bottom and that’s what it took because as long as I had something or knew someone I never stopped. I was brought to a moment in my life I only had one attempt left and that was God and when my will aligned with His my life changed forever. Not just sobriety, God gave me solid footing to build my life on. Psalm 34:8 Taste and see that the Lord is good.

I am from Big Stone gap Virginia, which is where I lived most of my life. I had parents who were alcoholics, used drugs and fought a lot when I was growing up. So chaos was definitely a normal way of life for me. I was taught that when you experienced stress or you were tired or needed energy, there was always a pill that would help. I had two children in my 20s and was prescribed Percocets to help with the pain from having two cesarean surgeries. It was during those years when I realized I had a physical dependency and didn’t like the way I felt without them. So for the next 10 or 15 years, I was what I considered a functioning addict even though the ways I would obtain the medication I needed was never legal until I was prescribed Suboxone by a doctor. That’s when it became popular to admit you were an addict and seek help for it. I was on Suboxone for 12 years and thought I was sober but the physical pain I felt when I tried to stop taking Suboxone was worse than anything I’ve ever experienced. In 2015, I met a drug called methamphetamine. Within five years time it took my home from me, my job, my vehicle, my children. My friends and family all turned their backs on me, because all I was doing was stealing, lying, or manipulating them to maintain my drug habit. I lost my self-worth, my dignity, my purpose , and any hope I had for a future.. I was constantly in and out of jail. Never had a place to stay longer than a week, and was spiraling deeper into a horrible pit of self destruction and darkness. And after running from the police for 2 years due to serious criminal charges I had obtained along the way bc of the people I surrounded myself with and the terrible things I was doing, I finally got arrested. I was put in jail in a city where I didn’t know a single person, I was scared and didn’t know the next time I would see my children or feel the sun on my face. Because I was facing a lot of prison time. That's when I called on the name of the Lord, and threw my hands up and asked for His help to save me from myself. I was reading a book in a jail cell, and because of that book, I prayed the sinner’s prayer and asked Jesus to come into my heart, and be Lord of my life forever. It seemed everything felt lighter after that, and when I was extradited back to my hometown I was given an opportunity to come to Recovery Soldiers Ministries, through a Peer Help organization that worked with the jail. I came to this program December 30, 2021 and my life has never been the same and it never will be again. I have found purpose again. I now have hope, a future, and most importantly, I found Jesus Christ and he has saved my life. He restored back to me my self-worth and dignity. He broke shackles off my feet and delivered me from all my troubles. I will spend the rest of my life, singing his praises, and giving God all the glory! Thank you Jesus!! And thank you to RSM!

When I was younger, I had experienced some abuse by a family member. Learning of the situation later on in life sent me on a downward spiral of depression and anxiety. I turned to substances to escape the reality that plagued my thoughts. Weed and pills is where it first started. I desperately wanted to fit in with any crowd , which led to other substances. In my 20’s is when I started using meth. By my late 20’s I had been introduced to injecting myself. I was hooked. It controlled every fiber of my being. I couldn’t stop using and I couldn’t stop thinking about using. I put myself into dangerous situations just to catch a buzz. I ended up in jail after hitting rock bottom. I started reading The Bible in jail. I was offered a plea with the condition I go get treatment. I chose a 30 day program and completed it. I made it 3 days and I was using again. I really feel that God had a better plan. I was in Woodridge and having a mental health crisis. The workers there told me about Recovery Soldiers. I decided that’s where I should go. I graduated the program, signed on to work for them and I have been staff for a year. I was able to obtain my drivers license, graduated a year of Covenant Bible College, I just signed papers to have my record expunged. I work at the Grundy County Campus. The Lord has blessed me and continues to do so. I am grateful for his grace and mercy. I’m looking forward to seeing what He has in store for me next.

I would like for people to know that while being sober and not using brings much more joy, friendship, love and loyalty in ones life. It is what we truly and honestly deserve. How can one enjoy these things if they never can remember them when they are on that destructive path. One thing I do know is that you cannot travel this path alone. It took Christ, God, faith, and a lot of luck to accomplish where I'm at today I know through prayer and believing that one can accomplish a lot more than what you think but without those two things you can lose a lot more than what you think I never believed that before maybe you, the one out there struggling...should try it. You will be surprised. Anyways I want go on and on about things, just know that through the love of Christ, faith, hope, prayer and love that one can overcome a lot more than what they think. You don't have to be perfect, as a matter of fact the Lord knows your not and loves you anyway. Good luck to everyone out there who is going through tough things like mental and emotional struggles to say a few. I could have never done this alone. Say a few prayers and I'll kept you all in mine and just know if no one else cares or loves you that Jesus always will. I'll stop now. Good luck and God bless and be hopeful and you all will make it through.

Growing up, I was raised in a Christian environment. That is why it is so hard for me to fathom why I took the path I did. I didn't start out doing drugs or drinking at an early age like some. My dad was called to preach when I was 5 years old and became the youth pastor at a church. I remember I was mad about having to leave my friends there when he was called to preach at another church. I played baseball and not only was my dad a preacher, he was also my little league coach. Something that sticks out to me is when I was 12 and our team was undefeated half way through the season, we had Bible school. My dad made me miss a game to go to Bible school instead and that was the only game we lost all year. That is something looking back now that I realize he was looking out for my best interest but at the time, it made me resent church in a way. I ended up graduating high school and went off to ETSU. This was where I thought I found the "fun life". I started drinking, going to bars and clubs and my friends were so excited to see me come out of my shell. I still ended up graduating from ETSU with a Bachelor's Degree in Business Finance and started working at Elizabethton Federal Savings Bank. I was still living the young, party single life. I had no intentions on settling down even though God blessed me with a college education and the start of what could have been a good career. I was introduced to pain pills right as I was starting my job at the bank when I had my wisdom teeth removed. I remember to this day taking that last one of my prescription thinking I have found the answer to my anxiety without having to drink alcohol. I still went to church on most Sundays but was just checking off the boxes and clearing my conscience. I had no relationship with Jesus and was living a double minded life. I stayed at the bank for 8 years total and my addiction to pain pills got so deep while working there that I thought of a plan to take money to feed my habit. I mapped out every step and covered my bases to the best of my ability. I met my ex-wife during this dark time and I totally misled her into thinking I was some other person. I still feel awful to this day about that. We got married in June 2014, bought a house and we were excited for our future as a family. Then 6 months later, it all came crashing down. In December of that year, I was sitting in the office of the bank with two cops on a cold Monday morning. They caught up with my scheme and charged me with theft over $10,000. I used God as a spare tire. I cried out to him and my marriage stayed put and I ended up taking judicial diversion and was sentenced to just 2 years probation. I walked a fine line during those years off drugs but once I was in the clear, I put God on the back burner. During those 2 years, the biggest blessing in my life happened on September 21, 2016. We were blessed with a beautiful 8 lb. 4 oz. baby boy named Everett at 4:25 am. Then in 2017, after I complete probation, I was offered pain pills from an old friend through Facebook Messenger. I took the bait and was off and running down another dark road. Fast forward to 2018, my ex-wife found out I had been abusing pills once again and this time, I was out. I moved in with my parents and then more bad news that same week. My mom had been diagnosed with cancer. I hated myself and life. Jesus was nowhere in my life, so I was all alone. I ended up doing something I never thought I would do and that was stealing her pain pills for the next 8 months until she finally passed away. I was high at her funeral. I didn't know what to do. A couple months later, I checked into a secular rehab in Sevierville, TN called English Mountain Recovery. I completed 45 days and I thought this would fix 13 years of addiction. I got out and fell back into it one week later. My ex-wife had enough of broken promises and filed for divorce in 2021. I cared but then again, I didn't care enough to stop abusing pills. I had no Jesus still and didn't even look for him. I ended up checking back into English Mountain Recovery in August 2021 and did another 30 days thinking it was going to solve the issue. I fell back into it one week after leaving again. In the spring of 2022, I hardly ever saw my son and ended up having a car wreck while high on Xanax's. I barely remember a thing from that night. I ended up going to work the next week still taking pills and they were so concerned about me that they sent me home early. They pulled me in and said they knew I was back on something and just gave me a stern warning. Two weeks later, I did it again and they fired me. I was without a job once again, divorced and not able to see my son. I went on a spree for a couple weeks that I don't recall a thing. I remember waking up in the hospital with my dad and my brother sitting beside me. They walked out and I had nowhere to go. The nurse was a girl I knew from my college days and she stood over me and said "Josh, you need help from God". I came to RSM on May 16, 2022 and I was so lost and broken. On May, 17, 2022 I gave my life to Jesus at the tent revival. I felt the weight of the world and my chains fall off of me. I have never been so happy in my life to know that Jesus and his Holy Spirit had filled that hole in my heart and was continuing to clean up my life. I owe my life to him. I now have a strong relationship with Everett and am teaching him how to pray. A few months after graduating the program, I felt God leading me to be on staff at RSM to help others find new life in Christ. I am excited for a bright future in Jesus, who has given me an opportunity that only He can give.